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Ministry consumes my life. Although not on campus right now, support raising is a 24-7 job, sunrise to sunset. Too easily I am enveloped in the obsessive running of numbers, in anxiety-driven phone calls & in believing that raising support is an adequate substitute for spending time with the Lord…. All of which are distractions… & lies. Needless to say, I forget about the Holy Spirit. I forget about grace. I forget about how much I am really in love with my sweet Savior.
Like a workaholic spouse convinced that more success, more office hours, will better provide for the family she loves, I propel myself in the opposite direction of my intentions. I neglect intimacy with my beloved. I neglect ‘dates.’ I neglect laughing. All for the sake of a ‘better future.’ While it is important I work hard, some days I feel like I don’t even know him, as if I’m living with a stranger… all because I’ve been too busy.
This week, in an attempt to really prioritize quality time with Jesus, I am returning again to Ester. As I read through the book a second time this month, I’m hoping to really see the Gospel surface in new ways. Immediately I am drawn to find the ‘moral’ in the story.
Ester became queen because King Ahasuerus’ first wife, Queen Vashti, would not obey her husband. Ester, however, was extremely submissive to the king, spoke in humility, & operated on his terms. My immediate conclusion: “Ok Allison, when you get married, make sure to do whatever your husband tells you…”
Wrong. Yet again I’m missing the point.
The Bible is not a book of morals. It is not a text of quick, separate answers. Unlike what I’ve believed most of my life, it is not a series of equations for more satisfied living. Rather, in all recorded history, there is one underlying narrative: “Man is deeply sinful. God sent his Son. Jesus died & rose again. Forgiveness comes through the cross alone.” Every verse, every story, from Genesis to Revelation points to the need for, coming of or return of Jesus.
This means that I am not looking for a “to do” list in Ester. I’m not searching for character qualities she possessed so that I can too work harder to embody them. Rather, I’m looking for Jesus in this book. His name is never mentioned but he is weaved throughout every verse. You see, our circumstances will rarely be the same as Biblical characters, so rather than doing what they did, we are called to see what they saw.
Ester saw her need. She knew that, alone, she was too small to make much of a change in the kingdom. She saw a God of power. She did not submit to her earthly or Heavenly king because it was the ‘right thing to do’ but because her view of God, a picture of infinite might, compelled her to respond accordingly. She was not obedient because obedience was forced upon her but because she believed the Lord was a God worth serving. & when standing up to the king meant risking her life, she stood boldly because she understood that this life was not her own. She knew she was nothing without the Lord and that he would be her Salvation. If the Jewish people were going to be saved from mass execution, she needed to let God take the reins & be patient. That means participating in His plan rather than working him conveniently into her’s.
I often think that work gets accomplished through my unwavering boldness & kill-yourself-til-you-make-it attitude. However, Ester was far more submissive than Queen Vishti, but (unlike the first queen) employed significant influences on generations to come. Her voluntary submission & sincere prayer life invited God to come down and lead a movement.
The God who I often see is small. He is my business partner. He is my authority. He slows me down from the work I’m trying to get done & works way too slow for my liking. He has all the resources I need stored up but, like a tempter dangling a carrot in front of my face, won’t let me have what I want. So I sigh & wait for him to move at his leisure.
But today, I pray to see the Lord as Ester did. I pray to see my need. I pray to see my sinfulness. I pray to recognize my helplessness. I pray against quick fixes and ask for God to reconstruct my heart. I pray to see the vastness of the Lord. I pray for a heart of submission and patience when our students are calling me begging me to chat. I pray for the Lord to get me back to Alabama ASAP…. But to enjoy the process in the meantime. – Amen.
